How to control your anger and not be a angry hateful person?
As we probably all know, it’s
hard not to get angry sometimes. It happens to everyone. Even Buddhist monks.
But, the difference between Buddhist monks (hopefully all Buddhists) and
everyone else is that Buddhists know how to deal with anger. What’s our first
reaction to anger? More anger! Sometimes we get ourselves so worked up over
something so mundane, we end up thinking, saying, and doing negative things,
which end up doing more bad than good.
Most of the time, our initial
thought to a situation that angers us is how do we get back? How do we make
this other person feel the way I’m feeling? How do I hurt them? etc etc. If we
actually sit back and think about it for a hot minute, who is this revenge
benefiting? Most of the time when we do revengeful things out of the heat of
the moment, we often regret it afterward. We even admit to ourselves that what
we did or said was really mean and probably unnecessary. So where was this
attitude before? Why must we wait until after the fact to feel guilty and
So when a moment of anger
arises, instead of trying to push it away or entertain its revenge plans,
embrace it, acknowledge its presence, where it came from, why its there, accept
it, and let it go. When we fight anger with mindfulness instead of more anger,
the feelings last so much shorter.
When anger does arise, how long
do we stay angry for? A few minutes, a few hours, maybe even a whole day. But
eventually the angers vanishes and we’re back at our “normal” selves. But we’ve
lost minutes, hours, or a whole day to anger instead of peace and happiness.
Anger does not come from
external circumstances. Nothing and no one can make you angry. If
someone were to insult you, do their words actually make you that
insult? No! The only reason someone might anger you because of insults is
because you allowed it to. The person didn’t anger you. The insult didn’t anger
you. You angered yourself. Instead of touching the anger with mindfulness, you
did so with more anger, which resulted in hate and regret. So the next time you
feel anger is arising, simply take a few deep breaths, touch the anger with
mindfulness and let it fall like leaves from a tree.